Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My Love .......

The drive up North was pretty, with the hills covered with a neat blanket of snow. But I wasn't moved. I noticed, can't help noticing, but that was it. Nothing like a song welling up inside me.

Then, reaching home found the bay the color of molten sunlight with ducks peacefully bobbing about on the rippled mirror waters and Mt. Baker presiding over this very beautiful evening. I saw that, and unlike other days did not write a mental ode to the magnificence of Nature and God - because I could not - write odes or sing songs - because I can't seem to care.

I don't - care that is, right now, at least.

Because I miss my darlin'. Without her its just scenery without soul. Maybe because she is my soul.

I've done my work, concentrated where I had to but the part that attaches me to myself seems to be missing, so - in mechanized, functional, logical ways - I've been functioning, but the essence of being alive, being me is missing, because I'm madly missing my baby.

Not that its not crazy mad with her here, but that's clawing, tearing, happy, teary, exciting crazy, this going crazy is slowly withering in being isolated from myself. And it's only 30 hours since she left - 30 hours of time tearing gashes into me.

My voodoo, my talisman, my quest and my answers, my heaven and my devil, my woman and my friend, I love her

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