Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Life is a .....

The year is almost over.

Leaves that change color have turned, brown, gold, orange, rust, red. One's that don't are still clinging wetly in wet rains to their trees and the one's that couldn't hang on lie in heaps on parked cars and streets, creating an organic slush of dead life form, on which cars and people skid and slip.

Today was my last day in our Vancouver flat that looks into neighbors windows and between buildings at docked boats and a bit of the seawall. It was walking distance to Stanley Park and Robson so Nidhi and I used to walk everyday for an hour or more - stopping for Gelato, Boba Tea, Chocolate Fondue or at times a Blizzard at DQ, after dinner.

That is where we first met, and first lived after getting married so the place has symbolic, sentimental value, hence the mention. Even though Vancouver is expensive, offers limited shipping and dining choices, it will always be Nidhi's and my first home, so will always occupy a significant place where happy memories live.

Helena and Jill helped finish off what Tony, Steve and I had started last week. They packed and loaded the car and now it's time to cross the border with Nidhi's knives, and cutlery, and appliances, and pots and pans and clothes and books and DVDs - things that make for life.

When I hear her tossing and turning in the middle of the night, or going to the loo, or when she wakes up before me talking to her Mom, its not an annoying disturbance - like it used to be in single days, wanting my silent, stillness - I feel grateful that I get to hear these sounds that denote family and togetherness and wish that I never have to live with silences again.

Tonight or tomorrow we will find a place to put our DVDs and Books and connect our TV and DVD player and make a home for next few months until life unveils its plans for the next year. Even though the house is right on the water, in which mountain reflections swim along with the ducks, it's not dramatic because the bay is so placid - so no big, loud, crashing waves or thundering winds. Just an isolated calm, in which one can find or lose God.

Were work not such a stress perhaps the house would feel happier. Losing $1,000 out of pocket per day is taking its toll on humor and optimism. We still haven't let go any staff nor cut benefits, but its time now for radical reinventions. With each passing day (at work) something dies without something being born, so I feel there's a sum total of loss here which needs to be reversed lest it becomes irreversible

I need to find a technology partner to create the web interface, now, so that Nidhi and I can live happily till I live and when I am done I wait for her to join me when she is done her part here.

As Arthur says "ask the universe". I am asking, humbly and hopefully for a technology partner who will share the vision and the want to create a $100 million company. The company is important because that realizes my innate potential but more important because it gives me the space and the time and the security to love.

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