Saturday, December 8, 2007


Yes, murdering oneself.

But it has to be cool as what's the point of (selecting) beaten to death ways of self extinction?

So hanging is out - first it's the rope burn then being discovered with your tongue hanging our and looking grotesque - and then the matter of bodily fluids dribbling down the legs - yuck ..

Setting oneself on fire is too painful - and frankly skin peeling off and all related things are gross.

Drowning? Water in ears, nose, stomach, and sinking and the natural reflex of flailing and failing to not drown isn't appealing.

Crashing a car is too risky as one may survive and that could mean insurance and police trouble besides turning into a vegetable. And waiting for a train could be boring as trains can be late, besides who knows what's on those tracks - too germy.

It should be something as comfortable as being in a comfortable chair in Starbucks, reading New Yorker, sipping a While Chocolate Latte - sweet, warm, nice! Now that's a death! But how to die that way?

But then being that comfortable one might lose the death wish, so in order not to, let's explore exotic suicide modes:
  • losing a battle with a Bengal (or any) tiger when high like a kite - which sober person will engage a tiger in combat
  • drinking choicest snake venom mixed with a very dry martini - ketel one please, GREAT VODKA - except it's hard to find venom outside a snake in most places
  • shooting oneself with a howitzer - if you can find a howitzer to shoot, maybe that's grounds to live though
This is hard. I need to die, but can't find the ride to deathville - living is so painful and some say life is so fragile - which is bullshit, were that so, I'd be able to induce a comfortable heart attack.

Good night - you were no help.

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