Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Secrets to Get Rich (Revealed!!)

Lest a Non Indian scratch his or her head wondering what or who is a Deve. Answer is: Deve was a Prime Minister, which means head of the government, of India and has recently been accused by a Chief Minister (which means Governor in American) of an Indian State called Karnataka, which I have no idea what it means, but which is home to Bangalore which many of you know what that means - anyway Deve was accused of bringing down a government by using Black Magic - and since I am looking for quick fixes in life this soliloquy was born.

That question (how to get rich) has vexed humanity since the two legged beings who mostly do it lying down discovered the concept of rich. It has vexed me from quite long ago, not when I am doing it though, at that time my concentration is total, as I firmly believe that multi tasking/ thinking in sexual situations should be limited to sexual matters, only - and by multi I am not condoning orgy. And I am also not recommending lying down, as that's not what makes us human – as "Ï do it missionary style, therefore I am human" is a stupid argument. Now that you know my moral and intellectual stand on sex we can proceed, however now I feel you all know me intimately, so if I blush it is because I am a modest Indian of traditional upbringing.

Who was the world's first rich man - in almost all probability it was a man? And how did he get rich?

That's the question I need answered and (need to) follow all methods, including getting Deve's magical powers working for me, 24/7/365. To bring down a government with magic is fantastic - Bush should've hired Deve to deal with Saddam rather than this expensive war.

Not to worry as there will be situations requiring change so Deve & Sons have a prosperous future ahead of them.

Was the first rich man (the one) who claimed he could cure the sick, or help hunters bag a big booty (not like "she got booty", but a plentiful hunt) - actually a promise of booty would also be enriching in all times as good booty is rare - but that's for another time, so was the first rich man a Pimp? Or was it a Guru, Shaman, Druid type chap?

Or was it a big, strong, brutal man who killed most animals so had most furs which he could then sell?

It could've been a brutal man with a band of guys (for whatever reason they banded) who captured the most fertile grazing pastures, growing fields and productive herds. And protected them by arming his band of guys so hunters would not hunt his herds and the landless would not eat off his land.

Brutal and strong would've been a big key because it was the time for survival of the fittest, so wimps and weenies did not live long. Results not excuses were the basis of making it, "I'm sorry I'm feeling down so I shan't be able to hunt today" did not resonate well for oneself, so the smart refrained from being lazy.

Somewhere along time it became evident that the fur guy wanted something from the land guy so barter started, and I'd love to know what the first negotiating was like - was it "give it or my club is bigger than yours so your brain will be jelly" - and then much to horror find that the other guy's club maybe be smaller but he has something else to pulverize you with so negotiating started. Then collaboration. Then systematic subjugation of those who needed furs and use of land and so forth. All that definitely based on top communication between two brawny* guys (*origin of the now famous paper towel).

Where did divine get into the picture at the early stage? Was it brawn and temperament, and being in a place where there was plenty of stuff to make tools and weapons with and loads of women for sex - I mean there's nothing divine without loads of women for sex, power was not the only point of the harem, which showed ability to protect and provide - but also a man with a harem had to be tactful, deceitful, charming, opportunistic - dealing with multiple women at the same time is not easy, 1 wife is like a staff of 930 militant union members - so that was the first politician. Ahh. Politico is a divine creation who fucks many!

So that you - with poor attention span - are with me so far, it's Guru, Pimp, Land/ Livestock owner, Hunter/ Trader, (in this category a guy who caught the most fish, and a marauder who pillaged forests for stuff like wood might fit), which then would've led to a Boss status which had to be the one who could cause most pain - so it had to have been the guy with most guys with weapons and with enough land to keep all those guys and weapons in one place. In one place would be important because that would mean identity.

In all cases it was brawn followed by timing or agility to act as opportunities were fleeting and competition deadly - like in real death being the result of losing. Life and living required consistent hard work, and a vigilant eye, which is being informed consistently so that would've been the genesis of education - "how did that man do it and I can't" - it took many years of study to find the answer was Cialis, so it proves education is necessary for coitus at a certain age or circumstance - in other words those who study are instrumental in getting themselves and people laid - that is not hypothesis, but a factual statement going by MTv spring break videos, and that Cialis exists.

Strength/ Stamina, Nimbleness, Hard Work, Communication, Education could be attributed to early man's riches. At least I am attributing that to that.

They worked then. They work now.

The Internet is ruled by oligopolies. Innovation is the key to survive (what happened to Atari by the way), 80 hour weeks are standard for the successful and new technologies connected India and China with the rest of the world with under sea fiber optic networks (which is quite major education behind technology) so that guys and dolls with accents can answer queries about your maxed credit cards with massive interest rates – the guy who figured usury is my hero.

So nothing has changed since cave days. One thing has. I can't drag Nidhi by her hair into my cave - firstly absence of cave, secondly Nidhi will kick my ass, and her parents and mine will be horrified at that brutality, my staff will lose respect for me, my customers, minus kinky one's, will leave in droves, and I will be in a shape worst than I am today, so no hair grabbing and cave dragging, as that will make me poorer and I will be asking, "How to be rich? Share your secret as I'm desperate to know, please. Give me Deve's number".

Actually I am asking that, now - see like many small companies mine's also under huge pressure from big, brawny, fast moving, hard working educated companies, so I really need Deve’s number to bring down Picasa and Flicker and become the world's only specialty printing and photo sharing company (black magic is necessary since I ain’t got the brain or brawn to take on those bastards). In lieu of Deve’s number cash (lots of it in a foreign currency since our dollar is hurting) should you decide you really need to do something really lovely for someone really lovely, which is YOU.

Help Vik (me), Help your Karma as the wise say, that could include a giving me a present of two pre paid programmers. So remember you're sending me your hard earned money for your own good - like voting for Jimmy (Carter) was.

One of the world's first rich definitely was someone who could con people to send cow, sheep, fish, woman, money just for asking. I am not that man, but I don't mind being that man, as long as I have your support. After all you do support men in robes – and I look lovely in robe of any color. What’s your preference?

In lieu of support buy my company so you can write such items on the Internet. Do something (for me). Get off you ass (for me), because a stationary ass don’t make money as the wise* (*me) say.

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