Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I must do it - do it, do it, do it ....

I must.
No other way other than "I must".
If I don't I will be forgotten.

Minions and millions who just might otherwise stumble upon me will not if I don't.
What would that mean? To my ego, pride, sanity, sex drive? It could play havoc with them all - and I cannot allow that as without sex drive I am a non performing nincompoop which I cannot be as to perform is to be me so I must.

The show must go on so I must too - but the pressure, the anxiety - wish I felt the same when taking exams or studying for them - had I felt this way and acted on "Í must" I'd have been somewhere else rather than here - not that it's bad looking here, or bad smelling, it isn't - but I could've been an Actuary or a Professor of Math or a total son-of-a-bitch high flying Stock Broker, but that time and age "I Must" was for most things that my parents were against. Were your parents against your lets say horny activities? So what were your issues? Did you ever think of running away or killing your parents? And when did you realize that you were not really odd even though the world thought so - screw the world - them/ they always complain about stuff, I mean so what's the big deal about peeing in their pool - from the diving board? Youth, exuberance it all is cool.

It snowed last night - in big flurries - so it was like driving through a storm of cotton candy, not that that has anything to do with what you and I must do - actually this is about what I must do and I did. I had to come to work - I did. Snow lay like little tufts on grass and on top of roofs as I whizzed by because I must go to work and I did. Does that make me a noble person? I love to be nobility. A nice red robe, lots of land and serfs and to be called Lord. I liked those times - photos of them - women with bosoms popping out, but then I am told, I've read, that people and places smelled awful in middle ages - so I don't know if I like that as I am sensitive to smell, touch also, of course taste too, and who isn't turned on by beauty? So I am sensual and sensitive. Does that make me desirable?

Now all this is steering away from my most urgent MUST TASK - write my blog.

Writing a blog is an obsession, but a good one - as it means giving of myself freely. It means I am a good man with good motives.

And things I must make up to say, that will make me sound funny, witty, sexy, pretty, smart, deep - fuck all that - what should I say which will make people lap up my blog - 1,000 views, 476 comments. Should I talk about God, Sex, Money, Politics, Brothels?

I've not seen the inside of a brothel, not that I want to, how dare you think I'm a whore monger? It's like saying, okay never mind, you won't understand how it feels to be accused. Your parents never accused you? Not that you're my parent, but it's not good to accuse.

There still are holes in the floor toilets in Paris, I don't like them, having to squat and all.

I'm having trouble concentrating, but then everything is connected brothel, hole, Paris - it's all about human experiences in my case inexperiences with brothel, but I am a man, you are a man or a woman and it's all cool - why fight it, why can't we all get along - and the best way to get along with me is by writing to me asking me to write.

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