Tata, Jaguar and Orient Express

Mumbai, Dec 21 In the event of winning the bid for Ford’s marque brands Jaguar and Land Rover, Tata Motors plans to bring them as completely knocked-down (CKD) units to India and re-export them, according to sources. “The plan is to bring the two brands as CKD kits and assemble them here for further export to overseas Markets,” the sources said.
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I still drive a Mercedes 500E 4Matic. I traded in my other car for it, which was also a 500E.

Nidhi and I looked at a Jaguar XJ8L couple months ago before settling for another Mercedes. The car was fantastic, the dealership looked like it could easily be turned into a luxury jewelery store or a spa with the amount of polished granite, fresh flowers and halogen lighting there, and Al the sales "consultant" had impeccable manners.

We did not buy the Jaguar.

The XJ8L is in the $70,000 price range. Certfied Pre-owned cars sell for close to $42,000. So it's not a cheap car to buy. It's also not a cheap car to maintain. Servicing it costs about the same as the Mercedes. Therefore a trustworthy factory warranty and service infrastructure are important factors when deciding to buy a luxury car.

I was keener on the Jag than Nidhi, but when we learnt that Tata was bidding on the brand we dropped the Jaguar because we felt that the car would lose its resale value in the US were it a Tata brand, and we were also concerned if Tata would be able to offer the level of service that we've come to expect.

A luxury performance automobile conjures names and images like Rolls Royce, Bentley, BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, Ferrari, Maybach and Lexus. All are as phenomenal as folklore, and all have spent decades developing performance luxury standards - from super fast and powerful engines, ultra responsive transmissions systems, most advanced braking techniques, state of the art audio and navigation options plus the best leather and burl wood for interiors to satisfy the pickiest.

When Ford acquired Jaguar, Jaguar lost some of its luster because Ford is not a luxury car maker. Pre 1994 Jaguars were one of the least reliable cars on the road, yet despite re engineering the car with new electrical and transmission technology and pumping billions in the process Ford could not make Jaguar a market (segment) leader.

Ford is a car maker with a long history and when it bought Jaguar it had some big hits like Taurus and F150. It couldn't fix Jaguar because it did not know how to make great cars being a middle of the road mediocre car maker.

Lexus and to some extent Acura are the only new successful luxury brands. Both are backed by legendary innovation and engineering of Toyota and Honda respectively. Both reinvented the common man's car before venturing into the luxury arena. By the time Lexus and Acura were introduced Camry and Accord had won over American hearts and wallets, so the progression was logical, more important there was history of trust.

Similarly Mercedes relaunched Maybach and from the word go its a hit in the $200,000 market because Mercedes inspires confidence in buyers of expensive cars plus has a sizzling image.

Volkswagon Phaeton flopped, because the market would not pay $60,000 plus for a VW, even though it's the same family as Audi.

So if Lexus or Mercedes were buying Jaguar it would be a value addition.

Bottom line is Tata does not know luxury, performance or great automotive engineering. Just as Tata was not great at Textiles - remember Tata Textiles and how it was decimated by Vimal, Garden and others? Tata also is not a storied consumer brand. TOMCO was always whipped silly by Hindustan Lever - any one recall anything by TOMCO except maybe Hamam?

That doesn't mean Tata is a bad company. It means Tata doesn't know everything to win in every field. It lost to Reliance and Birla's (Gwalior) and JK (Raymond's) in fashion and to Liril, and Cynthol (Godrej) in the personal care segment.

The above quote from Financial Times attests those concerns. A marquee brand can't be assembled in India as part of the story is buying a car from a storied factory. There are associations of racing pedigree and British attitude which is killed when the car is assembled elsewhere. So first thing Tata needs to do is to assure dealers and buyers that Jaguar will not be a car assembled in 3rd world plants but continue to be "crafted" in its heritage environment.

Nidhi is ultra Indian yet she walked away from Jaguar because in India too she doesn't buy a Tata car. So she is not being racial. Neither and I. Nor are the dealers opposed to Tata buying Jaguar Land Rover group.

This typical Indian reaction of yelling and screaming or rioting at any perceived insult to India reminds me of some angry Blacks in the US or those Muslims around the world who are always looking for a reason to be angry.

Shilpa Shetty is turned into a national issue because of her personal tiff with a low brow woman, and now Kamal Nath wants to teach Orient Express Hotels a "lesson"? Who is Kamal Nath to teach anyone a lesson? First its not his business to interfere in business transactions in the free world, second Orient Express hasn't broken an Indian law so a member of Indian Government has to learn a lesson in protocol.

To say that association will "erode our image" is like telling a Black man that hiring him will scare away the (elite) customers, so that was rough and maybe even rude. But its not personal. If a black man looks like 50 Cent he isn't going to work for a corporate law firm or as a concierge in a top hotel. If he is like Denzel Washington his color becomes less or non issue.

So if Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons approached Orient Express the response might have been different. Not because they're white, but because they've mastered the art of catering to the most demanding and discerning white and non white audiences in the most expensive markets in the world.

Or if the creators of the Sanderson Hotel, London went after Orient Express and were rebuffed the investor and the rest of the world into luxury stays would have "What the fuck?". The Sanderson created a niche for itself in a city of Claridges and the Savoy and probably one of the most fashionable and expensive locations on earth.

Tata has money, more than Sanderson or Four Seasons or Ritz-Carlton. But it doesn't know how to run a world caliber luxury hotel just as it doesn't know how to make luxury cars and like it did not know how to make great soaps and lotions and saris and suitings.

Before I incur readers' wrath, I want to say that I am writing this here because I respect this blog's readers' perspective and normally find greater intellectual maturity (of opinion) than say on my top of hate list Times of India (idiots writing for feeble brained and the very impressionable - my soliloquy). And I am also writing from a personal experience so irrespective of our agreement or not not buying a Jaguar was as real as being at the Taj Mahal Hotel in Mumbai this May.

The first impression of the Taj Mahal hotel is that it's very impressively huge. The second is that it needs a good pressure wash - especially the additional tower. It's coated with grime, and knowing Mumbai's pollution levels the building exterior should be cleaned more often. Our first stop was up an ornate staircase to a fantastic restaurant with views of Gateway and beyond. We left without finishing our drinks because the glasses smelled funny. The staff was apologetic, but even the ultra Pro India Narendra Modi fan Nidhi felt the place was below par especially the menu selection.

Our next visit was a week later to celebrate our one week anniversary. We had late reservations at the Golden Dragon so we waited at the Harbor Bar next door. The bar doesn't serve Bookers, nor Bowmore 30 nor Ardbeg 17. So good whiskeys were out. Which was a surprise as one takes liquor selection for granted at luxury places. The only champagne available chilled that evening was (I think) Chandon or Moet. They had other brands but they were not cold because of limited demand the waiter explained.

So we ordered a bottle, which was brought by a great Parsi guy, though the Champagne wasn't cold. The snacks were brought by the same waiter. They weren't anything to write home about. And so far it was Rs. 15,000 plus tip for a very mediocre experience. Then it was Golden Dragon. Without ado it was the worst Chinese meal in a long time. The fried eggplant was dripping with oil, the curry's were sauce heavy without sauce of distinction, the waiter was telling us about "dimsum" dishes at dinner and was not happy when told that dimsum is lunch/ brunch. So Nidhi and I left agreeing that Taj food was horrible.

During that visit we were staying at the Taj President. Tarttoria is below par for pizzas, pastas and salads, the bar next door is okay if one likes dressed in black bartenders tossing bottles, and the liquor selection was fair. The room service was excellent. Breakfast buffet was very good with fresh Australian honeycombs, but the baked goods and the egg preparations were ho hum. The gym was manned by an over zealous man who would not give us a moment of privacy.

That is not what luxury is. Luxury is having the best on hand always, not in storage somewhere. Luxury is trained sommeliers, and world class chefs, and designers like Phillipe Starck and great art on the walls, and great chocolates and wines in the rooms. Luxury is 600 count bedsheets and orchids flown from some exotic location and it means above all a pool that looks more inviting than the pool at the Taj or the President.

And above all luxury is FANTASTIC food and drink.

World class luxury means offering world class experience not an Indian version of luxury experience which I think the Taj is. What is Taj comparing Golden Dragon to? If it wants to be a world class hotel then it has to compare it restaurants to Gordon Ramsay in London and Mario Batali in New York. It has converted old palaces into very fancy hotels but how are those hotels when compared to George V in Paris and the Bel Air Hotel in Los Angeles? Many famous people visiting India have stayed at the Taj because the other options aren't any fancier, but the test is how does the Taj fair outside India in luxury markets competing with luxury experts?

Krishna Kumar and Kamal Nath both sound foolish and childish in their agitated outrage. The right response would be something on the lines of, "with the desire to transform itself into a world class provider of luxury stays across the world India Hotels has hired Phillipe Starck, Mario Batali, LVMH, Tom Ford, Norman Foster and BBDO as advisors to converts existing and acquire new properties into the most lavish hotels on earth. It has also engaged Julia Roberts, V.S Naipual and Mario Vargas Llosa as its global ambassadors". That shows commitment to become a luxury hotel chain. Not making a bid and then crying foul after being rebuffed. There's nothing wrong about being rejected on grounds of being unqualified, accept the language perhaps?

And those crying racial discrimination should remember that Corus and Glaceau deals weren't an issue because in both cases Tata's core competencies weren't an issue.

I love India and I wish it becomes a world leader in all it does. That would take dedicated discipline and hard work. And despite all efforts it will not be a leader in all it does because there are human limitations, just like Federer has never won the French Open and Tata quit textiles despite being overall legendary.

Onyx of Bombay

Last time I met Onyx was in May.

During my first trip to India in 21 years.

That was also the first time I met him.

Since I was quite jet-lagged I don't quite recall our initial greetings, but I think I gave him a pat, he wagged his tail, and that was it. The lack of exuberance was evident, maybe because I was getting between Nidhi and him. Though the 'I'm not impressed" and "I've seen it all before" was rather evident - the typical disdain and the nose in the air of a South Bombayite.

Then I got busy getting married and all, so the second long meeting I had with Onyx was at bed time, a few days later. Turns out that this time he and I were both going to be sharing the bed, and for whatever reason Nidhi instead of sleeping between the two of us let me be in the middle, with Onyx's face right next to mine. He just lay there, no lick, no warmth, just accepting the fact that I was there. So to conduct any carnal business was sort of difficult since he looked at Nidhi and me, unblinking, unemotional, just looking. Nidhi said turn the light off. I did. I still felt he was looking. She said ignore him. I did. Then I could not, as irrespective whether the bed moved or not Onyx did not move from the bed. So we (Mrs. & I) slept without sleeping with each other, and Onyx slept with me, snoring.

The next morning I woke up to find Onyx thumping his right paw emphatically as he looked and growled at Nidhi's dad who was eating a biscuit with his tea. The paw kept thumping, the growls kept growing more insistent till he got a biscuit. Then he left after giving me an indifferent look to land in Nidhi's lap, who promptly smothered him with all these kisses and cooed to him sweetly. As she did that he seemed to be saying to me, "who's the king here".

Then I went for a shower and found Onyx in the room when I came out. The A/C was on, he was sitting, philosophically, in the corner. He did lift an eye to look at me, but just. So I said hello. He looked at some point above my head. I dressed and sat down to pray. Nidhi's temple/ alter is on the other end of the room from where Onyx was sitting. I felt something, someone as I started chanting Hanuman Chalisa. I opened my eyes and Onyx was sitting next to me, calmly.

I felt he was praying with me, and it did not matter that we were different species since there was some oneness between us.

After the prayer we both got up and did our own thing. That night was no different than the night before. Nidhi slept on her side of the bed, because she has to, Onyx slept on his side, because he has to, I slept in the middle because that was the only place left on the bed.For the few days I stayed at Onyx's place the routine was the same - prayer and sleep arrangement. Otherwise we had zero interface.

If I see him again I hope it'll be the same because it won't be the same any other way.

18!?! Anything lower would be illegal

That's a tag line for one of my products (18 refers to cents).

As the industry has gone digital the demand for printing has gone down since many never ever order a print because all the photos they have are there for anybody to see on Flickr or SmugMug, and they can be put on blogs, emailed and don't cost a thing.

And the biggest drop has been in our bread and butter 4x6 prints. They used to cost 49 cents a print. To induce interest I've lowered it to 18 cents a print. Not only have I lowered the price I'm using a better quality paper, so the prints look fantastic - the color, contrast, density and whatever makes a great looking digital photo great is there.

Most people were surprised by my decision about upping the paper quality, but I don't want to sell a cheap print. I want to sell the best quality print at an unbeatable price to raise the bar. Now my competition has to do the same so it's not about under cutting competition, it's about offering customers an incredible value proposition.

I've also cut rates, without cutting image enhancement treatments, for the Lightjet (it is the best photo enlarger in the world capable of producing up to 48x120 inch prints seamlessly. Most digital photos on display in museums and galleries are Lightjet prints). What that has done is made premium prints affordable for more people because quality should not be limited to the rich. Admittedly even with lower prices an average print starts at $14, but that has lowered the threshold of entry into the rarefied Lightjet world. Most of my business this month has in fact come from the Lightjet. It's raised my margins of profit exponentially, but it's also given common people best prints they've ever had - so many Moms have ordered Lightjet prints for their kids! To me that's the key point - to give customers something amazing, not something cheap. Maybe the key is making amazing in most people's reach.

This isn't a new concept. Toyota and Honda made better cars cheaper than American and European automakers and rule the industry. Vimal beat the daylights out of mega rich established cloth mills by making better fabric affordable.

The maxim is, winners don't cut corners they deliver more than others can. I am learning to be a winner.

Hey, How're you doin'

Just saying hello.

No agenda.

Why must it always be reason based, why can't we just chill and chat? Otherwise it's too business like and we're aren't business associates or colleagues so the whole point is to shoot breeze.

So what's happening? Is work good? And what's going on at home?

I read this great line that goes something like, "there's no order in the universe so we need to adapt to chaos". Have you read "Breakfast of Champions"? It's by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Brilliant, funny, and heart breaking sad. He's at times America's conscience, no?

And last night this brilliant man, Dr. Parikh, said on the phone, "reason for tension is our attitude .... and ... the only way to be happy in marriage is to divorce oneself". Isn't that brilliant? I mean if you accept what is, and make the best with it then tension probably is mitigated by the effort dealing with reality. It's the conflict, the fight and not winning that causes tension. And though it's hard subjugating "Me" until that is done one is in a self created self centered vortex of self denial, self importance and that sure breeds tension.

Enough of that, what's with you? Do you like Shilpa Shetty's butt? Too flat, frankly, no one will call that a great ass. Bipasha has a top ass, no Mariah Carey or J Lo but still an ass to contend with. Aishwarya has no ass, no body - I mean yes she's flesh and blood and skin and bones but not made of sex appeal like Madonna or Kim Basinger - Kim is beautiful and sexy - remember 9 1/ 2 Weeks - or that woman Jharna (something) in Love in Nepal was a sizzler. Sizzler is also a dish in Bombay, which I have only had once, and liked it very much. Come to think of it it tasted brilliant. I know it had meat, but I don't remember what else was in it.

Was too jet lagged I guess. I went to India after 21 years. Wonder if I ever will go back again. Depends ...... firstly on living that long ..... Just saying, not that I am sick or anything but India is so far, and the time when I can think of traveling even farther.

It's been snowing again. I tried to upload photos to show you, but the up loader isn't working. But, it's been bone chilling cold and icy. There's black ice on roads you can't see but the car wobbles, and slides and nothing happens when you brake except skidding - though I feel grateful that I have a 4Matic which makes driving a bit easier, but it's still tough driving on mirror smooth roads.

Sunday we sponsored an event, and not knowing better I wore Snake skin Boots and a Leather Jacket, sans scarf or gloves, and almost froze. The cold seeped through the boots, from the soles and the top and the jacket wasn't warm enough, so now have to deal with getting used to winter boots and coats - problem is they're not sleek. Sleek Fur Lined Parka and Cold Resistant Boots (I don't even do Doc Martens) - blech!

Found there's a place in Van that serves Venison burgers! have you tried Venison? If its not gamy or tough it's fantastic. Been a long time since I've had it. Another thing I like is fried chicken. Even KFC.

Found that men who have sex more than 3 times a week are happier than men who don't but also they know the right women or woman!

See ya.

Hindu Irony or Hypocrisy

In a land of paradoxes none are more paradoxical than Hindus and Hindu politics.

Narendra Modi is fighting an election in Gujarat as a BJP candidate and as a Hindu stalwart, a fighter for Hindu interests.

A bit farther down in Punjab the same party BJP is a coalition partner in a government that has silently allowed a portrait of Bhindranwale, a Hindu killer and enemy of India killed in an operation conducted by the Indian Army to be placed in a Sikh holy shrine along with the portraits of other Sikh martyrs and saints.

What is BJP's stand and position? In Gujarat it is Hindu's friend, but in Punjab it's not?

Suicide?

Yes, murdering oneself.

But it has to be cool as what's the point of (selecting) beaten to death ways of self extinction?

So hanging is out - first it's the rope burn then being discovered with your tongue hanging our and looking grotesque - and then the matter of bodily fluids dribbling down the legs - yuck ..

Setting oneself on fire is too painful - and frankly skin peeling off and all related things are gross.

Drowning? Water in ears, nose, stomach, and sinking and the natural reflex of flailing and failing to not drown isn't appealing.

Crashing a car is too risky as one may survive and that could mean insurance and police trouble besides turning into a vegetable. And waiting for a train could be boring as trains can be late, besides who knows what's on those tracks - too germy.

It should be something as comfortable as being in a comfortable chair in Starbucks, reading New Yorker, sipping a While Chocolate Latte - sweet, warm, nice! Now that's a death! But how to die that way?

But then being that comfortable one might lose the death wish, so in order not to, let's explore exotic suicide modes:

• losing a battle with a Bengal (or any) tiger when high like a kite - which sober person will engage a tiger in combat
• drinking choicest snake venom mixed with a very dry martini - ketel one please, GREAT VODKA - except it's hard to find venom outside a snake in most places
• shooting oneself with a howitzer - if you can find a howitzer to shoot, maybe that's grounds to live though

This is hard. I need to die, but can't find the ride to deathville - living is so painful and some say life is so fragile - which is bullshit, were that so, I'd be able to induce a comfortable heart attack.

Good night - you were no help.

Silence!

..... a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing .......

too much noise, from outside and in the head, cacophony that deafens the soul and makes the spirit cry for peace and quiet and Silence - still silence in which life lives and breathes















Wasn't that nice. You, me linked without words or sounds ....

Bellingham Speedy and Boomers

Bellingham is quite well known for reasons unknown - unless you call a "good place for seniors to live" and a rather unremarkable college when compared to remarkable colleges, a quaint district called Fairhaven with stupidly high real estate prices as reasonable reasons for being well known. Though part of the city is on a remarkably beautiful road called Chuckanut Drive - the road is as lovely as parts of PCH or 101 along the Pacific in Oregon - I maybe getting sentimentally overboard here, but in all cases Chuckanut Drive is beautiful with Redwoods towering over it as it plunges into the Pacific dotted with little islands.

Couple days after a massive snow storm had us interned indoors, today dawned with roaring winds and waves lashing at our deck. The normally placid bay was foaming and churning with waves wearing whitecaps, the gulls blew and glided on the currents and the rain fell hard. And we took off for Bellingham to buy onions (onion is needed when onion is needed).

The rock hit the windshield loudly almost as soon as I got on the freeway, and I saw it (windshield, not rock) crack. Bummer I thought - another expense. Actually I said more than Bummer, but Nidhi thinks I say fuck to elicit humor so I'm refraining from using it though nothing is more succinct than fuck - as a term of speech.

Since it was Bellingham we were in we were not sure what would our lunch choices be. We went to buy onions at lunch time, you see. So we drove around without seeing anything remarkable, or interesting. Sure there was a Wendy's and a IHOP but nothing seemed to catch Nidhi or Mama's fancy, and then we saw "Boomers".

It looked like an old A&W or an old American Diner with Car Service - and despite the rain a young blond was serving a car - even the sign said "flash your lights for service". I did no such thing as we wanted to eat inside the restaurant, not in the car - and since that was a possibility we went into Boomer's. The dining room has a round fireplace in the center of the room with a wrap around counter so one can eat facing the fire, which was very cool (warm actually) - of course we sat at a table. The food was great - the Cajun Inferno Garden Burger and the Honey Dijon Chicken Sandwich were perfect with perfectly cooked patties and just the right (amount of) condiments, the waffle fries were crisp and hot, I liked the deep fried mushrooms, Nidhi and Mama found them below par, we all liked the Butterscotch shake and a very warm service on a very wet day. I'd love to own Boomers.

Happy, satisfied and full we went to buy onions. And like always it upset me to pay $1.49 per pound when at a produce stand or an Indian Grocery Store the same red onions cost $0.79. And it upsets me even more to pay $2.99 for tomatoes when at other places the same looking tomatoes are $1.99 - anyways tomatoes, onions etc in the car, we went looking for a place to fix the windshield - remember, loud noise, rock?

And we found Speedy Glass not far from the freeway exit. The good looking blond - Bellingham is beginning to sound like a blond city - young woman at the front counter was so nice that it instantly felt I'd been here before, many times, which was only an impression since I'd never been there before. So with that fuzzy warm feeling made fuzzier by Mugz the Pekingese who came up to me, looked up, sniffed my jeans and shoes and without getting too emotional about it gave his tail a wag, I waited in a room of warm colors for our turn. Mugs(z) is Joseph's dog, and Joseph owns Speedy Glass. As an attentive reader might ask, "where were Nidhi and Mama". They were in the car, and when I backed into the shop (Joseph's workshop) they alighted and Mugz(s) promptly ended up in Nidhi's lap - lapping up affection and basically melting into her arms. Joseph told us more about M - including his shower and blow drying routines and basically that this dog was cat's meow, and Joseph's colleague in the meantime went to work on the windshield, and I have to say I was impressed. I've never had a windshield repaired so wasn't sure what to expect, but there was hardly any evidence of the crack when they finished, and even more fantastic was their, courtesy and amazingly kind fair pricing.

Joseph and his place and people are made of American warmth. I hope all of you looking for someone in a strange town to fix your car find some place like Joseph's Speedy. And I also hope in that same strange town you also find your money's tasty worth like we did at Boomers.

Now, now Bellingham don't get cheeky.